


Never Really Over

by Starrynitesky1



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Alex Standall, Canon Compliant, Chalex break up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, Love Confessions, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Zach's POV, Zalex fic, s4 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:21:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24606901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starrynitesky1/pseuds/Starrynitesky1
Summary: This feeling.. Six months has already passed but for Zach everything was stand still at that same moment when he kissed Alex on that rooftop.
Relationships: Charlie St. George/Alex Standall, Zach Dempsey/Alex Standall
Comments: 12
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! It is my first fic, so please go easy on me 😌 also English is not my first language so there are going to be grammatical errors sorry for that already. And now 13rw, they really fucked up huh.. they really ruined the only good thing on the show. Nevermind I really hope that they write a Zalex Spinoff soon. This fic is mostly based on Zach's POV, [ALSO THIS FIC CONTAINS S4 SPOILERS], so read it at your own risk. Hope you guys like it 🤗

This feeling.. Six months has already passed but for Zach everything was stand still at that same moment when he kissed alex on that rooftop. That kiss, that fucking kiss. He tried.. Oh he tried so hard to forget about it but this time even his alcohol didn't help him. They all graduated moved to college. Zach has also shifted to a different apartment, started to living on his own. He still don't know should he feel lucky or curse his luck that Alex and he got admission in the same fucking campus. Zach has thought that after graduation they all will be moved to a different college and eventually Zach will forget about everything even Alex. But his life is already doomed and now nothing will going to change that. He felt so embarrass and nervous every time when Alex sees him and tried to approach him in college he couldn't able to stop himself from running away, he knows well that alex is probably thinking what's going on with him but he can't able to do this every time he sees alex face he started to get flashback of that kiss how amazing alex felt in his arms but he already had fucked everything up and now he can't do this to alex he deserves so much better than him. Charlie is perfect for him they're happy together and zach on the other hand is just a burden he's a coward, hell not even his family expect anything from him at this point. He is a mess, he is lonely he sometimes wonder why he is still alive. He knows he needs help but he's too far gone now. The only best friend he had after alex was also gone even though he has different feelings towards Alex. Justin was always there for him and now he's gone. Everyone eventually left him. As he's trying to subdue his pain with alcohol his phone start to buzz off. He got a text from jess, she's also in the same college with him and alex.

Jess- hey, are you free tomorrow night? Me, Ani and Alex thought its weekend so we should hangout and go for a movie or something, wanna come?  
Heh.. Zach chuckles "Alex will be there.." he sighs  
Zach- Actually i've got some work, you guys go.  
After a minute jess texted him back.  
Jess- Zach.. Are you ok? look after Justin... i just want you to be ok, if you want to talk im always here ok?  
Zach smiles, at least he still have some friends who cares about him.  
Zach- don't worry jess im totally fine :) but thanx for checking.  
Jess replied back with a "ok".  
He finished his last bottle of beer and went to take another one, there are already dozens of bottle piled up on the floor. Zach took the last bottle out of the freezer and wonder he has to go to the market again, other than college he hardly leave his home nowadays. Zach sighed and stumble to his another room where his piano is placed. It felt like a daily routine now he sat on the stool and started.

Guess it's true, I'm not good at a one night stand  
But I still need love 'cause I'm just a man  
These nights never seem to go to plan  
I don't want you to leave will you hold my hand?

Oh, won't you stay with me?  
'Cause you're all I need  
This ain't love, it's clear to see  
But darling, stay with me...

Why am I so emotional?  
No, it's not a good look, gain some self control  
And deep down I know this never works  
But you could lay with me so it doesn't hurt  
Oh, won't you stay with me?...

And just like every night he didn't able to finished the whole song and passed out right there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song- Stay with me by Sam Smith


	2. Chapter 2

On the next day Zach went to the supermarket. He bought groceries and his beers and to his surprise come face to face with Winston.  
"Hey" smiled Winston  
"Hey man, how are you?"   
Winston and Charlie go to the same college.  
"I'm fine.." He arched one of his eyebrows "but you on the other hand doesn't seem so" he pointedly said looking at the beers in his hands.  
"Yeah, not getting sleep much college work you know" Zach said with a faint smile  
"Seriously..? It doesn't seem..." Zach interrupted him instead "So what's going on with you?" Anything new?" Winston noticed his nervousness so he didn't poke him any further. "Nothing's new, just concentrating on the studies right now" at that Zach laughed "when did you become such a nerd?" Winston chuckles "yeah everything is changing... So what about you, how's everything going?"  
"Nothing new that same usual life" Zach said by not meeting his eyes  
"Hey are sure you're ok?" Winston asked again  
Zach swallowed "I'm fine man everything is fine" atlast Zach couldn't help himself but asked nervously "How's Charlie?" Winston looked at Zach's face "You mean how's Charlie and Alex." Zach started to look around "Um... Yeah i mean..."   
"they're not fine" that catches Zach's attention "What?"   
"yeah.. I mean we met at the college on the other day, we talked.. charlie said that alex is kinda acting weird nowadays, most of the time when they had any conversation it felt like he's thinking about something else like physically he's present but mentally he's not..."   
Only "Oh" came out of Zach's mouth  
"Yeah.. " Winston looked at his watch "shit im getting late have to go"   
"Y..yeah sure.. See you later man"  
"Yeah its nice to see you, take care.." Winston gave him a sympathetic smile.

Zach stopped at one of the park on his way back home this is his favorite place other than his apartment, today there is a unusual peace in here maybe because of weekend, people spending time with their loved ones. Zach sat on the bench, opened his beer bottle and watch the sunset. After finishing two bottles Zach headed back. At his apartment he finished some of his college work then boiled some noodles then took out the beers and headed back to play his piano after an hour he passed out.


	3. Chapter 3

On the next day Zach went to the college as usual missed his first class. He still got time for his next class so he went to the library, he don't usually go to the library but right now he want a peaceful environment because he's feeling like shit, his head is burning like it's going to explode anytime soon. At this point Zach thought that he's getting used to his alcohol problem but guess he's not. Zach take out the ibuprofen pack from his bag and swallows it with his beer. He's lucky enough that nobody noticed it yet that he's carrying alcohol in the campus. He's usually try not to drink in campus because if somehow his parents knows about this then it will become another big problem. He opened his book and tried to concentrate.  
"Hy zach.."  
When zach looked up he saw Alex is standing opposite the table.  
"Oh...um..hey..." Zach said not able to meet his eyes.  
"Is this seat taken?" Alex asked  
"N..no.." Zach gave a tight smile  
"So...how are you? Its, been a long" Alex tried to search something in his eyes  
"I'm good, man.." Pause "you?" Zach expectedly looked at Alex.  
Alex didn't said anything for a moment he was biting his lips, Zach can't help himself, his eyes roam down to Alex's lips. And that rooftop flashback again started to play like a tape recorder in his head, Alex's voice broke the silence  
"i'm fine too.. Um.. So what are you doing here?"  
"What people do in the library..Alex..?" Zach chuckles  
"I don't know fooling around behind the bookshelves i guess?" as soon as it came out of Alex's mouth, Alex can't able to hide his blush, on the other hand Zach started to laugh everybody around them pointedly looked at Zach.  
"Sorry... Heh so that's why you're here Alex?, Expecting someone?" Zach asked teasingly  
"Fuck off Dempsey" Alex said with a fake irritated expression.  
After a while suddenly Zach said "It's nice"  
"Huh?"  
"It's been a while since we had a conversation like this, it feels nice" Zach gave a faint smile  
"Yeah..it is.." Alex looked at him like he wanted to say something more but stopped himself.  
"How...how's everything going on with you and Charlie?" Zach tried really hard to lock all of his emotions from his face  
"Its going fine, I guess..um...(after a pause) shit actually no its not"  
"What happened?" Zach asked  
"I don't know... its complicated i still didn't figured it out yet" Alex said  
"You know if you want to you can share it with me, maybe i can help you out with it" Zach gave a sad look  
"I don't think you can" said Alex "its just that i want to move ahead but i just.. i..can't able to" and again those blue eyes started to search something, their eyes met and for a hot second Zach felt like they're again on that rooftop and this time he doesn't want to hold himself back the way Alex felt around his arms the taste of those lips it's like those essence, he's still carrying those with himself...  
(the bell rang off) and it broke the moment they both jumped back slightly Zach looked at his watch his second class is going to start now  
"Uh.. I've a class now hope everything will be fine with you and Charlie" Zach said hurriedly  
"Yeah.." Alex gave a tight smile  
"See you around" Zach said and literally ran away from there far away from Alex, seriously what the fuck he was thinking he was this close to ruin everything shit... It was a really bad idea he should never have talked to Alex. He swallowed down the last gulp of his beer and went to attend his class.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Warning: Excessive alcohol consumption and Self-Harm]

Zach finished his sixth bottle of the day, it got rolled away from his hand and joined the pile. He is not well, he knows that, he just.. he can't able to stop himself its like these bottles are the only things which helping him to overcome his worthless feelings. He lift one bottle and smashed it on the floor then took a piece of glass. He knows he's strong enough that he will not going to do anything stupid but he just wants to feel something like anything even if its just a little pain he looked at his hand and started to drag the glass against his palm, blood started to come bubbling out of it, he moved aside the curtains and with the help of his blood he wrote "Alex" against the wall.  
He never have felt anything like this before most importantly for a BOY. Maybe once for Hannah, but that was totally different from this which he is feeling right now, this is scaring the shit out of him HE IS STRAIGHT for fuck sake, but why.. why every time Alex's face comes into his mind he started to feels this soul crushing feeling, did he seriously having some sort of romantic feelings for Alex..? Shit no no.. its not possible what's going on with him is he going insane or something? he's mind is not in the right place...he needs to stop, he's not going to sit here and cry over a BOY, he needs to drink, yeah.. that will help him to sustain, he drag the curtain back to its usual position. This time he didn't even able to play his piano after a while he passed out on the sofa.

On the next day Zach didn't go to the college he is literally feeling the worse than his usual days. The first thing he did when he opened his eyes is to throw up in the bathroom at last when nothing left in his stomach he washed off his face, his eyes are bloodshot red like he is not having any sleep for days. When he looked at his palm he sees the blood had dried off and the throbbing pain Fuck!.. He put some ointment on the cut and bandaged it. He goes to his freezer, there's nothing in it he has to go to the supermarket again. At least Some left over milk is there so he took that with some breakfast cereal. 

He hate supermarket everyone is looking at you like you are kind of an antique piece of a museum. Ugh.. guess he hates people nowadays. On his way back he brought a sandwich and again stopped at the park he sat on the same bench took out his sandwich and take a bite. Unlike the weekend, today there are kids and families here. 

"Hello Mr. Zach"  
Zach looked down and saw Kevin, the ten years old kid, they both live on the same building.  
"Hy kid! What are you doing here alone?"  
"I'm not here alone mum's here with me" Kevin said by giving him a huge smile  
"Oh so why are you not playing? where are your friends?"  
"They didn't came today they all got some more important stuff" Kevin said sadly and jumped to sit beside Zach  
"Oh that sad.. hmm... You know its fine i'm here you can talk with me" Zach told him with a smile  
Kevin smiled at him brightly "Do you want a lollipop Mr. Zach?"  
Zach chuckles and thinks for a moment "You know what, why not"  
"Mr. Zach you don't have any friends?"  
"Oh! Yeah I... i have friends" Zach said with a faint smile  
"Then why you always come here alone?" Kevin asked curiously  
"You know kid, they have got some important stuff too"  
"It's not fair, don't worry Mr. Zach I am your friend you can talk with me" Zach pat the boy on the head and said "I know"  
In the middle of licking his lollipop Kevin asked suddenly "Mr. Zach what happened to your hand?"  
Zach stopped "oh! its nothing just a little scratch it will be fine soon, don't worry" Zach gave the kid a reassuring smile  
"Hmm.. Please take care of yourself Mr. Zach, I don't like to see my friends get hurt"  
Zach felt like he's eyes are getting misty despite of this he tried to be normal and said "aye aye Captain!" and gave the boy a little salute gesture  
Kevin's mom called him back just then, the kid said his bye and went back. Zach also went back to his empty apartment.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is based on Alex's POV

He's getting dark circles under his eyes, Is he not sleeping well shit he knows Zach has been lying to him he's not fine but every time Alex tries to approach him, he always gives some excuses and got away. He really need to have a conversation with Zach. He can invite him to his apartment right? they can play video games like before, they're friends...they are, aren't they..? Everything has changed after that kiss. Alex is just so confused it's like they're both pretending that they are friends nowadays. The thing is that Alex himself can't even able to moved on from that kiss, he had thought that after Winston and now Charlie, he will get over Zach, there's this hole in his chest that burns every time he sees him..but he can't do anything about it, Zach has already cleared it by saying he is into girls. Alex just wished it was that easy to move on.

Charlie breaks his train of thought,  
"Hy alex.. Alex! are you listening to me?"  
"W..what?" Alex jerked his head up  
"Are you free tomorrow night?" Charlie asked  
Shit... no he's not, he has to check up on Zach  
"Actually..um..i've some college work and its kinda urgent"  
"Oh ok.." after a pause Charlie asked "Can i ask you something?"  
"Yeah..?" Alex looked at his direction  
"This thing between us...i mean..our relationship is this working?"  
Alex knew this question will be eventually going to come up  
"Do you want me to be honest?" Alex said nonchalantly  
"Yeah" Charlie nodded  
"I don't know" Alex said  
Charlie smiles "You said you'll be honest"  
Alex looked at Charlie with tears in his eyes "Im sorry...Charlie you deserve someone better than me"  
Charlie kissed his head "I just want you to be happy, Alex, i'll be fine " Alex sighs  
After a moment Charlie asked brightly "We can still hangout as friends right?"  
"You know, you can be my wingman" Charlie said with a wink  
Alex chuckles at that.

On the next day Alex search Zach throughout the campus but couldn't able to find him and instead of Zach he find Jess  
"Alex.. hey, what happened? You seems stressed, everything's ok?" Jess asked  
"Um..yeah h..have you seen Zach?"  
"Oh! no.. haven't seen him. You know now that you're asking I haven't seen him since day before yesterday"  
And... that increases his worry even more  
"Hey Jess are you free after college?"  
"Yeah, do you have something in mind?" Jess asked  
"Why don't we check up on Zach? I mean its been a while since we all hangout together" Alex said  
"Oh.. Yeah sure, why not, um.. my class is going to start now see you later then" Alex nodded  
Jess gave him a smile and went to attend her class. 

Throughout the day, Alex can't able to concentrate on anything he know that there's no need to be this anxious its not like he is going to see Zach for the first time its just it's been a while since they had any uninterrupted talk, sometimes he missed his school days. Jess also noticed his nervousness "Alex it's going to be fine ok don't worry, come on" she gave a reassuring smile  
At that Alex stopped her "Should we give him a call or something first?"  
"I don't think there's a need but if you want i can text him..?" Jess shrugs  
"Yeah..that would be perfect" Alex smiles  
"I'll text him on the way then"  
They both drove off to the direction of Zach's apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Chalex stans 😬


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> S4 SPOILERS!

Zach is tired, he is not even attending his classes, but the cut on his hand is still haven't fully recovered yet, he is not even able to play video games or his piano. He has order pizza for lunch as he can't able to cook properly. After finishing his lunch he took out his beer, this might be his eighth one, to be honest he has lost count at this point. He took his laptop and started to search something to watch, his phone buzzed just then

**Jess- "Hey, me and Alex are coming, hopefully you'll be home"**

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!"  
Zach started to panic there are piles of empty beer bottles literally rolling all around the floor, he hasn't even taken a shower since yesterday. If they'll see him like this its going to be a disaster. He can't even able to text her now that he's not home they probably should be here by any minute. Zach works fast, he took out all the empty bottles then after finishing the remaining one he decided to take shower. Just when he was drying himself off the bell rang he slips into his jeans and took his shirt in his hand and went to open the door, he came face to face with Alex.

  
Alex looked up and caught off guard, his eyes perplexedly roam up and down to Zach's body.  
For a minute Zach didn't able to say anything, they just stand there stared at each other without saying anything, they both swallowed. Suddenly Jess came from the back  
"Ahem!" that brought back both of their attention  
"Are you losing weight Zach?" Jess smirked  
Zach hastily slips into his t-shirt and gave space for them to get inside.  
Zach chuckles "I'm fine"  
"Yeah you've said that already a thousand times" Jess said flatly, Zach laughed  
"Your apartment is huge can i take a tour?" asked Jess  
"Suit yourself.."  
Zach then looked back at Alex he was sitting on the kitchen stool  
"Um..hey" Zach took a step forward  
"Hey" Alex gave a genuine smile  
"Do you want anything to drink?" asked Zach  
"No it's cool" after a pause Alex asked "you're not coming to college, is everything's alright?"  
"Y-yeah...everything is fine" Zach smiled back  
"What happened to your hand?" Alex asked worryingly  
Shit! he almost forget about that part, it's covered but still he has to make some excuse now  
"Oh! It's nothing just burned myself while cooking, nothing to worry about"  
Alex got off the stool and came closer to check the wound  
"It doesn't seem like a burn mark" Alex scrutinize the wound

  
Alex touched the wound and gently looked up, Zach gaze down at his face, he lift his injured hand and runs his fingers through Alex's hair, then gently stroke his face, he deeply gaze down into those blue eyes, Alex licks his lips reflexively watches Zach's eyes follows the motion. Alex closed his eyes.  
The tension broke off as Zach swallows his overwhelming feelings and gently backs away. Alex sadly opened his eyes  
"Zach..."  
"Zach, when did you started to play piano?"  
Alex stopped himself when he heard jess's voice  
"Oh.. Yeah i play it sometimes" Zach said  
"Wow, that's impressive Zach" Jess patted his back

  
After that they all sat on the couch,  
"How you been doing jess? Zach asked  
Jess swallows, and gave a tight smile  
"I'm doing fine, i- i'm...ok" Jess hesitantly said  
After what happened to Justin no one is doing fine everyone is just pretending.  
"Have you heard anything back from Clay?"  
"Yeah, have been texting him, he's doing fine now" Zach nods  
They all chatted for a while, then Jess and Alex decided to head back  
"um...so you're coming to college tomorrow?" Alex asked  
"y- yeah.." said Zach without meeting his eyes  
Alex stare at his face for a second then retreat back slowly. Zach closed the door, took out his beer and headed back to play his piano.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST! 😔

Next day, Zach took out his guitar and headed towards the college, he thought that today he's going to practice after the classes. His hand is also recovering well at least now he can able to move his fingers freely. Today just by his luck he reached at college on time so can attend his first class. As he was waiting for his class to start, Amy approached him, she is in the same class with him, they had on and off chat but nothing ever gone beyond that

"Hey Zach!" Amy smiled  
"Oh..hey Amy" Zach smiled back  
"Um... today you're on time" she noticed  
Zach chuckles "yeah i guess, i am'  
"You were not coming to college..is everything's alright?"  
"Oh..yeah um..I burned my hand while cooking" SHIT! Zach know it's such a lame excuse but again he can't say that he was trying to get over a boy  
"Oh my god, are you ok now?"  
"Oh y-yeah, i'm fine there's nothing to worry about" Zach reassured  
"Um... Are..are you free tonight...? I mean we could hangout some place or watch a movie or something" Amy asked at last  
"Oh!" Zach said surprisingly  
"I mean obviously...if..you want to" Amy added nervously  
Zach ponder over it for a moment, right now his head is not in the right place and he got his practice too so he denied her offer politely.  
"I'm sorry," Zach said  
"Oh don't worry it's fine maybe some other time" Amy smiled and went back to her seat.

After attending his classes, Zach thought where should he practice, there are still students everywhere and he wants a quiet place to practice so he took his acoustic guitar on his back and headed towards theater hall just as he was entering into the hall he stopped by a voice. There's already someone in there but it seems like it's just one person on the stage and he's also playing a guitar. Zach approached the stage to get a closure look. And... It's _Alex_ and he's singing-

" _Driving away, I wish I'd stayed_  
_Another night, hasn't changed_  
_And now I see, it's you not me_  
_Who needs the time, you can't find anymore_  
_I never wanted love, but now it's come undone_  
_I'm waiting on the time, you see I care_  
_But now it's fading fast, thought it was gonna last_  
_I'm not uncomfortable but I, feel so uncomfortable"_

Alex stopped himself when he saw Zach  
"Oh! hey..." Alex surprisingly put his guitar down  
Zach felt like he couldn't able to move for a moment, he stand there dumbly.  
"Zach! hey.. you ok?" Alex called him again  
That brought back Zach's attention  
"h-h-hey you're...playing guitar," Zach said gently  
"Oh!" Alec looks down at his guitar "yeah it's been a while so I thought..." just then Alex noticed Zach's guitar  
"Are you here for practice?" Alex asked  
"y-yeah actually, but it's fine I'll...find some other place,"  
"What? no way... i mean if you want we could both practice her... _together_ "  
"Are you sure?" Zach asked  
"Duh! Seriously Zach, c'mon," Alex throw a obvious look  
Zach took his guitar and sat on the stool beside him  
"Hey, c-can you teach me the _song_ you were singing earlier," Zach asked nervously  
"Oh, o-okay..." Alex started

_"The pieces fit perspective hits_  
_You realize everything is the same_  
_You say the same lines, all done on my time_  
_As it goes on, I will be gone_  
_I never wanted love, but now it's come undone_  
_I'm waiting on the time, you see I care_  
_But now it's fading fast, thought it was gonna last_  
_I'm not uncomfortable but I, feel so uncomfortable"_

Zach couldn't able to look away, their eyes locked and they both started to sing _together_

_"When the memories bend_  
_I'll see you at the end_  
_And if they never fade_  
_I won't be far away_  
_I never wanted love, but now it's come undone_  
_I'm waiting on the time, you see I care_  
_But now it's fading fast, thought it was gonna last_  
_I'm not uncomfortable but I, feel so uncomfortable"_

The song ends and they both were still staring at each other Alex broke the eye contact first  
"Um...i broke up with Charlie," suddenly Alex said  
"What?" Zach looked up unexpectedly  
"Yeah.." Alex puts down his guitar  
Zach sighed and got off from the stool and hugged Alex, he thread his fingers through Alex's hair. Alex clutched him tightly he can't able to hold back his tears, he rest his head against Zach's chest.  
"Hey, it's gonna be ok," Zach said  
"It's not even his fault it's me i..i can't, i don't know what's going on with me..." Alex said incoherently  
Zach knelt down infront of him and hold his face with both of his hands  
"Hey, hey listen to me i'm here ok,"  
Alex broke off from his hold "No, Zach it's not gonna be ok."  
"What are you talking about?" Zach stands up  
"Zach, i know you have always been clear with me on things, and it's nothing to do with you but..." Alex turns around "i..i can't able to move on, everything is just too much i don't know what i'm supposed to do anymore, it's not fair to Charlie..." Zach interrupted him  
"Hold on a second, w-what are you saying? I'm really confused d-did you broke up with him because of me?!" Zach asked in disbelief  
"I already told you Zach it's nothing to do with you" Alex said in despair and tried to approach Zach  
"No no no" Zach backs away "are you fucking serious Alex! shit! what the fuck have you done." Zach resentfully started to strolling around the stage. After a moment he said "you know what it's not your fault it's mine, i should have never started talking with you in the first place, i've taken the matter too lightly and now i've ruined everything."  
Alex tried to hold his hand "jesus Zach, what the fuck are you talking!"  
Zach ease off from his hold "i-i should go"  
"What? No..no..you'll not, Zach please" Zach picked up his guitar and started to headed towards the exit, Alex caught him  
"Zach, listen to me please" Alex pleaded  
Zach looks at his face for the last time "There's nothing left to say Alex, I-i..c-can't do this to you, i want you to be happy and I'm ruining everything"  
"Zach, look please just hear me out for the last time please..." he choked out his words in between sniffles from _crying_  
"ALEX, LET ME GO!" Zach finally shouted, tear off his hand from his own and left him standing there, stunned.  
  
When Zach reached his apartment that day he took out his phone and texted Amy that he will pick her up around seven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song- Uncomfortable by Wallows


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys! This chapter is kinda short.  
> TW- Excessive consumption of Alcohol

"Zach!" [ _pause]_ " _hey Zach!_ " Amy called again  
He jerks away distractedly "yeah.."  
"Are sure you're okay?" Amy asked  
"Yeah... why?" Zach looked up  
"Nothing, it just you haven't said anything throughout the movie and now you're kinda seem stressed." Amy worryingly said  
"It's nothing Amy I've told you that already" Zach said with a smile  
"Okay..." Amy gaze down at his lips and started to lean in, Zach gulped and surges forward too but just as he closed his eyes he stopped in the midst, the memory of that rooftop flashed before his eyes and jerks back, Amy stumbled forward and luckily hold her balance at the right time  
"SHIT! I- i'm so sorry" Zach apologized and rubbed his forehead  
Amy embarrassingly backs away  
"Look i- i..need to go" Zach said hastily and bolted away from there, Amy called his name but he didn't looked back.

On the way to his apartment he bought two large bottles of jack, he entered in his room and without giving any second thought opened the bottle and started to chug from it directly. He took out his phone and saw five missed calls and a text, one missed call is from Amy and others are from Alex. He opened the text

_Alex - "Zach, please pick up the phone!"_

He switched off his phone and throws it away on the couch, he took the bottles with him and went to his balcony he clumsily sat down on the edge of the fence and hanged his legs out. He finished half of the bottle in three chugs. His eyes were constantly shedding tears but his face was blank. One by one he starts to discarded his each article of clothing, he lays down there for a while then after finishing the first bottle he got inside. He took the empty whisky bottle and throws it against the wall with loud thump the bottle broke down into small little pieces and he started to sobbing angrily. He rubbed his face frustratedly and picked up the second bottle, without giving any concern he carelessly walked over the glasses. He picked up his phone and there's another text from _Alex_.  
_Alex-_ _"Zach, please tell me you're ok..."_ He stared at the text for a while and finally this time he texted him back.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is based on Alex's pov

For a moment Alex felt that maybe everything is going to be fine after what happened at the college today. But he can't let it slide away like that, Zach is hurting himself and he can't just sit here and let it happen. It's not Zach's fault that his relationship doesn't lasted long... _jesus!_ it's no one's fault it's just meant to be happened. But still Alex is feeling anxious Zach is not picking up his phone he had tried so many times, he even texted him but there's still no reply. Should he give him a visit... Alex _thought_ , but no that's probably not a good idea what if he is still angry maybe he needs a little bit space right now he will talk to him tomorrow at college maybe if he tries a little harder-

"Alex, is everything's alright?" his mom asked  
They were all having dinner at the table except him, he was just sitting there and thinking. Bill, his dad also looked up.  
"Y- yeah...everything is ok mom"  
His mom worriedly looked at Bill  
"Son, do you want to tell us something?" Bill asked  
Alex _sighed_ "Actually...me and Charlie broke up"   
His mom gave a _sad_ look "oh, Alex...it's going to be fine" she hugged him.  
"I- i'm feeling really tired mom, i'm should go to bed" his mom nodded, he got up and headed towards his room.

Alex entered into his room and closed the door behind, he took out his phone to check if he's got any reply but still there's nothing, now he's getting really worried he texted him again. Alex _thought_ what if he done something stupid.. But _shit!_ he's got no options here. Alex puts down his phone on the bedside table and just as he was getting into the bed his phone buzzed, Alex hurriedly picked up his phone to check-

**Zach- "I need you"**

_Fuck_! Alex hastily slip into his jeans and put on his t- shirt, took his phone and run down the stairs   
"Hey, where are you going?" his mom got _startled_  
"It's kinda urgent mom, i'll tell you later!"   
His mom called after him but he didn't replied back, he literally jogged off to Zach's apartment.

When he finally reached there, he was breathing hard, he strides off the stairs and thought that he has to broke down the door but got surprised to see that the door is already open. He entered into the apartment-

" _Zach_!" Alex called out but got no reply, he went further and saw the broken bottle of jack he carefully look out in the balcony and see Zach's clothes is scattered around the floor. He nervously started to search Zach throughout the apartment, finally he found Zach in the bathroom. He was naked and unconsciously laying in the bathtub. For a moment his heart stopped beating, he strides back into the room in search for a blanket just as he slide aside the curtains his breath cut _short-_ his name it's written on the wall and w-with _blood._ At that point Alex's brain almost stopped working. He touched the writing and started to _sob_ _uncontrollably_ , eventually when he came back to his senses he took the blanket and went to the bathroom he was so nervous to even get close to Zach. He kneel infront of the bathtub and clumsily lift Zach's both hands to check and took a breath of relief when he couldn't find any sign of cut. His body is freezing though, Alex took some water on a container and threw it on Zach's face-

"Hey- hey! Zach! wake up"   
He started to _shake_ him and _push_ him up, tried to regain his conscious. For a moment Zach opened his eyes-  
 _"Al-alex...wha-what?"_  
"Zach! hey listen to me wake up.." but he again lost his consciousness. Alex started to get worried he dropped the blanket around Zach and tried to pull him out of the bathtub, with a huge amount of struggle he puts Zach on the bed. After that he called _Jess_ -  
"hey.. Alex is everything is alright? You know it's midnight right?" Jess _yawns_  
"Jess I need your help" Jess jolt right up when she heard the urgency in Alex's voice  
"Woah, what happened? Are you ok?"  
"I- i'm fine it's Zach- we have to get him to the hospital can you bring your car?"   
"Oh my god, ok-ok i'm coming" Jess hanged up the phone   
Alex goes back into the room to check on Zach.


	10. Chapter 10

Alex and jess they both got Zach into the car and headed towards the hospital,  
"Ok I'm really confused, what's going on?" Jess asked in _dismay_  
"I don't know jess, h-he texted me and when I reached at his apartment he was _unconscious_ " he intentionally left out the _fully naked_ part.  
They reached at the hospital and waited outside of the emergency room. Alex couldn't able to hold himself any longer he looked ready to _burst into tears_  
"Hey, he's going to be fine" Jess gave him a sympathetic look  
"J-jess h-he was not well h-how I didn't able to notice it?" Alex said in a short _gasp_  
"It's my fault too you know, every time he said he's fine, I should have-  
"I c-can't lose him jess i-i can't..."  
"He will be okay Alex" Jess hugged him until he felt better, she asked gently "you...love him don't you?" Alex remains silent and hold her tightly  
After a moment he let go of her and rubbed his face "It is my fault.. that he is in this condition.."  
"Alex, no please stop..y-you can't blame yourself for this"  
" _It is Jess_ , I shouldn't have told him that Charlie and I broke up..It was my _fucking_ fault.." Alex leans further and hold his head in his both hands  
" _Jesus_ , Alex are you even _serious!?!_ It has nothing to do with that ok!"  
"You don't know THAT!" Jess sighed  
"Alex, calm down.. look h-he loves you _too_ ok! at least I know that much, he intentionally will not do anything stupid"  
"yeah well he already did, jess" Alex said hopelessly  
Just then the doctor came out and told them that Zach is suffering from _alcohol poisoning_ but its not critical as they brought him here on the right time he just has to stay here under medical supervision for few days.  
"Are you sure?" Jess asked  
"Look someone need to be here with him, you should go take some rest, i-i'll be here."  
"Everything's gonna be fine, you hear me?" Jess said pointedly and again gave him a hug  
The doctor informed him that he can meet Zach now but he's still in a weak condition so he should take rest as much as possible. Alex sat beside the bed-  
"Hey" Alex said  
Zach opened his eyes gently _"Hey"_  
"A-are you feeling o-ok?" Alex asked  
"Y-yeah.."  
"Want anything to drink? maybe some beer or a bottle of jack or something?" his tone was clearly sarcastic  
"listen Alex-  
"You know what, we'll talk later just take some rest now" Alex said with a hard face  
Zach fell silent and with a sigh closed his eyes.

The next day as per Zach's request Alex brought his acoustic guitar with him  
"Can you play something for me?" Zach asked  
"You know it's important for you to take rest," Alex argued  
"Yeah i know the music will help... _please,"_ Alex rolled his eyes  
He picked up the guitar, tuned it and started gently-

_How many times can I tell you_  
_You're lovely just the way you are_  
_Don't let the world come and change you_  
_Don't let life break your heart_  
_Don't put on their mask, don't wear their disguise_  
_Don't let them dim the light that shines in your eyes_  
_If only you could love yourself the way that I love you_

Zach's eyes filled with tears, he started to clear his eyes and turned his face on the other side. Alex's eyes were closed-

_How many times can I say_  
_You don't have to change a thing_  
_Don't let the tide wash you away_  
_Don't let worry ever clip your wings_  
_Discard what is fake, keep what is real_  
_Pursue what you love, embrace how you feel_  
_If only you could love yourself the way that I love you_

  
_And if you ever choose a road that leads nowhere_  
_All alone and you can't see right from wrong_  
_And if you ever lose yourself out there_  
_Come on home and I'll sing you this song..._

When the song ended Alex opened his eyes then puts the guitar back, Zach was sleeping soundly so he got up and pulled down the curtains he took few steps towards the bed leaned in and imprinted a kiss upon Zach's forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song- The Way That I Love You by Passenger


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zalex 👀

After a few days Zach got discharged and went to his apartment with Alex, as they entered into the apartment

" _Thank you"_ Zach said  
"Give it a rest, Zach" Alex rolled his eyes [he _pauses]_ "now go take some rest" Zach nodded then stopped  
"What are you doing?" Zach taken aback when he saw Alex started to preparing dinner  
"What?" Alex looked down "cooking dinner...?" he said _nonchalantly_   
"Yeah...um..Alex listen I think you should go now, i'll handle things don't w-  
Alex _interrupted_ him "Zach I told you to take some rest, i'll stay here with you until you fully recover"  
Zach _sighed_ "Alex, seriously I'm fine now c'mon man I-  
 _"_ You fine _huh?"_ Alex agitatedly began to stroll  
 _"_ let's see" he pulled out all the empty beer bottle which were hidden "this is _your fine_ right? or-or maybe passed out in the balcony fully naked is _your fine?_ O-oh wait a minute maybe hurting yourself is _your fine..."_ he yank Zach's wrist and dragged him into his room, he moved aside the curtains with a jerk "Or this is _your fucking FINE Zach?!!"_ he pointed out his name which was written in blood, he was shaking with rage he began to blink rapidly to hold his tears back his lips were trembling he chocked out "y-you could've _died_ Zach, do you have any idea you _selfish fucking idiot_ " he _sniffle_   
Zach was stunned at that point he parted his lips but nothing came out, it felt like it's been hours or so then finally Zach said silently "I just want you to be happy" Alex looked up  
"Why don't you understand I'm not _fucking happy_ because you're not _fucking happy" [he pauses] "_ Zach i-i'm tired...please j-just" he _sighed_ "answer me one question and I'm begging you to _please_ be honest" Zach stare at his face "Do you have _feelings_ for me _?_ and yes when I say _feelings_ I mean _romantically,_ just say _no_ and i'll leave and i'll never show you my face ever again" Alex said with a hard face, Zach broke their eye contact  
"You deserve someone better than me Alex" Zach _argued_   
"Oh...will you stop with your _self loathing bullshit!_ just answer the fucking question" they both were staring at each other, breathing hard; within a few strides Zach ends up the distance between them and pulled Alex against his chest he leaned down and kissed him hard, close mouthed; and for a moment everything's stopped. Alex gasp, his fingers roamed through Zach's hair, he clutched his neck tightly and kissed him back when they finally broke off Zach _murmurs_ against his lips   
"I do _love you,_ i-i'm sorry it took me so long _shit!_ I'm so fucking in _love with you"_ they still had tears in their eyes but now they were both smiling, Alex parted his lips  
"C-can you _kiss_ _me_ again?" Zach searched his eyes  
" _Everyday"_ Zach smiled, surged forward again and in this time his _tongue_ darts out licks across Alex's bottom lip, he parted his lips further and let Zach in they started to make out heatedly. Zach pushed Alex against the wall and picked him up, Alex locked his legs behind Zach and wander his fingers through his hair   
"You know you're still weak I think we should stop-  
"I don't think I can able to stop _now_ " Zach chuckled  
He then began to stroke Alex's hipbone and his lips started to wander through his neck, he gently bite down and licks behind his ears.  
Alex felt dizzy and breathless, breathing through his nose, eyes closed both hands clinging front of Zach's jacket _pulling_ him closer. Zach got rid of his jacket and shirt and began to unbuckle Alex's belt he unzipped his jeans, their _tongue_ entangles and Alex broke the kiss breathlessly  
"Zach...plea-please i-i need you" Alex _moans_  
" _Shit!_ tell me what you _need baby"_ Zach thrusts harder  
Alex clutches at Zach's back, tips his head against the wall and _whimpers_ softly, Zach puts Alex down and finally tugs him out of his jeans and began to stroke him gently, then one by one he started to open the button of his shirt and dropped it on the floor. Alex _mumbles_ something incoherently, Zach put his one hand against the wall and started to jerks him _intensely_  
" _Zach...fuck! plea.."_ Alex _shudders_  
 _"Shit_! You're _perfect"_ Zach's eyes roam down to his body and he nudges forward, his fingers started to splay against his chest and he began to pressing kisses to his _face,_ his _jaw_ and to the corner of his mouth, Alex tilts his head to catch the next _kiss_ full on his mouth, his whole body was flushed with exertion when he pleaded with a _broken voice_ _"Zach...please w-want t-to feel y-you"_  
Zach stopped with his ministration and hastily started to unbuckle his own jeans he changes his grip and then held them both in his hand

_Zach was hot against him, hard and then he moved-_

he started to jerks them both together gently, Alex _gasped_  
 _"K-kiss m-me..."_ Alex _chocked_ out the words and _muffles_ as Zach already began to licks into his mouth his tongue penetrates further and Alex open up willingly

They are both breathing hard at that point, Zach picked up the pace and started to jerks them both _earnestly_ ,   
_"Ugh...fuck.."_ finally Alex _cried out_  
Zach was not far behind him he also choked out with a shout and _came_ all over Alex's chest. They were both breathing through their mouth, Zach free himself and went to the bathroom, he brought the washcloth with him and wipes out the remains from each others body they both discarded their jeans and then Zach picked Alex up in a bridal style and headed towards their bed,  
"You know, you should be the one who needs attention now" Alex said with a _yawn_   
"I'm _perfectly fine_ now" Zach _smiled_ and kissed Alex one last time, they snuggled underneath the covers and fell asleep holding on to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter to go guys! 😺🌈


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah.... Finally I finished this fic 😌 I'm really sorry guys for the delay kinda got busy with my studies but I still hope you guys enjoyed this fic, It's the first time that I've ever written anything like this but still I'm just happy that I've able to finished it! 🌈🌈🌈🤗

The next morning Alex woke up with an empty bed but just as he was getting up, Zach entered into the room with the breakfast plate on his hand, his face was looking more brighter than before, he knelt down against the bed and kissed his forehead

"Good morning, baby" he put down the plate on the bedside table  
"Oh...wow, good morning to you too" he was still very naked he sleepily got up along with the sheets and situated himself on Zach's lap, he circled his hands around Zach's neck   
"Are you okay?" Zach asked  
Alex chuckled "I should be the one to ask that question" his fingers began to roam through Zach's hair, he leaned in and kissed him softly. Underneath the covers, Zach's fingers run against his body and pulled Alex closer, his eyes trailed down to his lips hungrily and he surged forward, he bit down his bottom lip gently and licked it. The breakfast was forgotten for a moment, they profusely ravish each other after a while Zach licked his lips and asked shyly  
"H-hey, do you want to go somewhere today? I-i mean to-together somewhere..."  
"You mean like a _Date?"_ Alex rolled his eyes with a smirk  
"Um...yeah" Zach nodded without making an eye contact  
Alex smiled and kissed his cheek "You're adorable like this, _dempsey"_  
"Yeah, w-whatever" Zach smiled fondly

After they had their breakfast they both decided to visit Jess and then together they will go to Monet's cafe. Zach also decided that they'll go to his favorite park so he brought his guitar with him. They first visited Jess, she hugged them both and three of them decided to visit the cafe. Three of them had milkshakes and chatted for long, Jess was still worried about Zach but Alex erased her all worries by holding Zach's hand he looked fondly at him and said "I'm here now" Zach returned the smile and later after a while both of them said goodbyes to Jess and went on their way. It was already evening, the weather was not too hot and not too cold, the old leaves were falling from the trees and flying with the wind, the trees were blooming with flowers sign of a new beginning  
Zach intertwined their fingers and took a deep breath  
"You had promise me that you would take me to your favorite place" Alex said  
Zach smiled and tug him ahead with him, it was dark so the park was mostly empty, but the moon was shining so brightly that it seems like they had to take covers, they sat on the grassy field  
"Are you going to play something for me?" Alex laid back and asked, Zach's eyes roam down his face then slowly he closed his own eyes and started-

_Lost in stars_  
_Reaching for who we are_  
_Lost in mars_  
_Never going down, for awhile_

_Won't you follow me, my dear?_  
_I've got plans for you up here_  
_So there's one last chance_

_Let's get on a rocketship🎶🎶_  
_And ride to the moon_  
_There will be my heart_  
_Waiting for you my baby (My baby)_

  
_And this time around, yeah_  
_I will be waiting_

_Be waiting for only you_

_My dear_

Alex was intensely looking ahead into the starry sky his thoughts were also forming clusters like stars then slowly he too closed his eyes and then fully laid down on the grass

_Lost for words_  
_Baby, baby lost in love_  
_Lost for a cause_  
_But now I found you...🎶_

_Won't you follow me my dear?_  
_I've got plans for you up there, oh yeah_  
_So this one last chance_  
_Let's get on a rocketship_  
_And ride to the moon_  
_There will be my heart_  
_Waiting for you my baby (My baby)_

_And this time around, yeah_  
_(This time around)_  
_I will be waiting_  
_Be waiting for only you_  
_My dear (My dear, my dear)🎶🎶🎶_

After finishing the song Zach slowly opened his eyes and put the guitar down near him Alex was still laying down on the grass so Zach also laid down beside him. After a while Alex suddenly climbed above him, the tears were still falling down his face his blue eyes were shining so brighter with love he smiled and mumbled a 'thank you' Zach also couldn't able to hold himself back he leaned in and kissed Alex gently. They both were so overwhelmed with emotions that they couldn't able to speak anything, they just laid there holding each other tightly with so much undying hope and love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Rocket to the Moon-  
> Song by Gavin D


End file.
